Do you know someone who is going through a major crisis? Divorce? Cancer? Loss of a loved one? If you were in their shoes, what would you like to hear? You’d want to hear words of hope and here are 3 ways to say it.
Not Yet
When someone is in pain, their world can be a discouraging and hopeless place. When you hear despair–absolute words like “never,” “always,” “worst,” or “nothing”–you may be hearing defeat from the past and hopelessness for the future. The word “yet” reminds them that just because something hasn’t happened before (or ever), it doesn’t mean it never will. Emphasize that they haven’t felt relief yet. Encourage them not to give up yet. Remind them that just because they haven’t seen it yet, that doesn’t mean it is impossible.
Scripture gives a clearer view of God’s perspective in 2 Corinthians 4:18, “So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever” (New Living Translation).
And
Sometimes if you offer a positive spin on the situation to a suffering person, they may respond with “but.”
- BUT you don’t understand…
- BUT nothing ever works out for me…
- BUT I don’t see how this will ever get better…
What is said before a BUT often gets forgotten by the words that come after. In those conversations, replace the BUT with AND. Two opposing ideas can co-exist in your mind. You can have a measure of trouble and a measure of hope. You can say, “I know you are struggling, and I believe you. You are doing the best you can and I am here to support you.”
We
Media project OurDataHelps took on a multiyear challenge to review 3,000 social media profiles to identify specific red-flag words that translated to an increased risk of suicide. Their research showed that people with a “quantifiable risk of suicide” do in fact give measurable clues in the word they use on social media platforms. People with a higher risk of suicide often use the pronouns I or me rather than us or we. In other words, at-risk people feel isolated and alone.
Take the opportunity to find the WE in the life of the struggling person and reflect it back to them. Remind them that they are part of a WE and that others care for them and are available. We are in this together.
If you are the one who is suffering now and you aren’t hearing enough words of hope from others, remember that those 3 words–yet, and, but–don’t just work in conversation with others. They can also help build your own internal dialogue of hope. Speak hope and kindness to yourself.
Excerpt from Cinnamon Kroll, health-care consultant in the Washington D.C. area.
